Last year, I got stood up. Several times. At the very moment, I felt miserable. And in all cases, it wasn’t even the fault of the respective person. For instance, my sister canceled her flight to Seoul on the very same day we were supposed to go because her husband was in the hospital. I really can’t blame her. 

However, yes, you do feel horrible. And lonely. You try to make sense of it, but it just doesn’t. And then you have a choice – do the activity as planned and enjoy it, maybe even alone, or not enjoy it. Because you either cancel or are angry while doing it. 

I try to opt for the first option as often and as well as possible. It takes quite some effort, but it pays off. 

This way, I ended up alone on Phuket. There was no one with me whose agenda I had to consider, and I toured all the beaches and random places and tried all the street food. I doubt that my company could have enjoyed this kind of active trip and all the food-poisoning traps. 

South Korea was a little bit more challenging to enjoy alone, as my sister really wanted to go to the magic island Jeju. In essence, it’s the Hawaii of South Korea, but less fun. However, it was a great experience and learning for me: don’t plan for others, always consider yourself in the equation as well. 

These insights from my lonely adventures turned out to be so relevant to me, that I started seeing the universe’s hand in making me end up alone in so many situations. I realized how much I missed this freedom of exploring and deciding based on my own ambitions and needs. I compromised and honestly believed I was fine with it, but deep inside I never was. 

At the moment, I see many of these compromises happening around me. For example, several of my friends in a dual career relationship are deciding about their future (joint) job and home location. Often, one of them has to ‘give in.’ It’s interesting how they make their choices. I am convinced that the couples will more likely stay together if the partner (who is giving in) could imagine moving to and being happy in that other – sometimes second choice – city anyhow. Regardless of whether the relationship will remain intact. Otherwise, just imagine: you separate and end up living in your boring and annoying ‘Jeju’ place. 

To ensure I continue having these insight moments, alone-trips are now a fixed item on my holiday agenda. But maybe insights only arise when I get stood up?

Take care, 
Katya

BTW – As I am writing this, it happened again. Leaving Asia, I am missing my sister, by a couple of hours only. Ironically, she is flying to the place that I am leaving. Insight? ‘The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.’